It's been well over a month since I started...actually going on 2 months soon...and I think I'm starting to settle in. I think I'm actually making my way through the scope and sequence - for myself.
Individual Identity
The first month was filled with a lot of anxiety for me - feeling overwhelmed by all the new information and adapting to culture shock (being in an office and meetings with adults rather than being in a classroom and in meetings with adults and youth). My mind was filled with questions - How will I fit in ? Am I really cut out for this office life? Wearing "grown up" clothes and interacting mainly with adult educators and administrators? Aren't I really just a teacher at heart? Should it matter that the age group is a little different than what I'd become accustomed to? I taught adults before - in community settings and at NEIU as a T.A., but this is different. I'm not into sales and that's what this feels like? Is this really for me?
Now, coming up on month 2, I'm still struggling to find balance, but it's not as rough. Yes, I'm a a teacher at heart and in essence, that will never change. Everyone has something to learn and something they can share (teach to others). And although I miss my girls (students), Facebook and Gmail are becoming more regular staples in my life now to fill that gap.
Membership
1 month in and it was time for the hazing - heading to HQ for some intense training and cadre bonding. Time to see if the membership is for me. Time to see if I really fit into this new organization I've become a part of....what did I find? One, that this international organization is works hard to function (internally) as a family...a family with a keen sense for truth, but also a business-minded family. It was a hard fit.
I definitely experienced my "we and they" moments - probably figments of my own vivid imagination rather than being deliberate acts on the part of individuals. I became more aware of how different I was...I can't say that the difference was noticed by anyone else because I've never asked or spoken of it before. In my mind, I listed how I was different from those in my own office and those that I met nationally - where I lived, how I looked, my religious/spiritual background, my upbringing, my political/social/economic philosophies, what I read/watch/listen to, etc. I know there are a lot more similarities, but why am I being more conscious of my "otherness"? This is def a new phenomenon for me - not totally new in the sense that I've never felt these things before in life, but new to me in the workplace because I was one of the "veterans" in the school I was in before. Does otherness come out when you're new to an environment? Is it inflicted by others? Or, is it a combination of both?
History
At first I was steeped in the history of Holocaust and Germany and I was trying to get a handle on all the new materials. I found civil rights history more familiar and easier to connect with (for obvious reasons), but then there's another aspect of history that has been on my mind. What's the history of ethnic, racial, cultural relations within the organization? It's a topic tha hasn't come up much, but I'd love to see an interoffice/organizational chat about it.
Memory & Legacy
My thoughts in this area all relate to how I feel about my legacy as an African American Muslim (,but born Baptist) female educator from Chicago with roots in Alabama. All of these parts of myself are on my mind when I get up, come to work and move about during the day. How am I doing justice to all of these parts of myself? I am reminded of all my grandmother did to make a better life for her 7 children. I remember her urging me to do my very best in school so I could be successful. I remember that she only went to the 4th grade (maybe 6th), but managed to be a success in her own right.
This experience also reminds me of the readings in Civic Dilemmas where the immigrants are talking about how they can't deny their homelands or the places they live now. All I can do is continue to look for spiritual and ancestral guidance. The struggle continues....
Choosing To Participate
I'm stepping out of my risk zone and am ready to step out into schools - meeting with teachers and helping them integrate FH into their work. I'm also stepping into a comfort zone - ready to start being a part of my regional team....not afraid to make my voice heard and have it count. I chose to be here so I have an obligation (to my ancestors, to my people, to my profession, to myself) to do and be my very best.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Sonja, I feel fortunate to be able to see this honest, diary-like story of what the "journey"--to use a Facing History word--is like into the world of being a PA. Thanks so much for trusting me to share this with me.
I felt the trip to Brookline was embracing but also overwhelming, and I also have been wondering--though from a different position and with different experiences--about the question you asked here:
"What's the history of ethnic, racial, cultural relations within the organization? It's a topic tha hasn't come up much, but I'd love to see an interoffice/organizational chat about it."
The other day one of my colleagues said how they get so worked up over Columbus day, and I asked why. It was because of the genocide that followed. I said, but what about George Washington? (A slaveholder). To me these conflicts are unending when we look at American history's 'difficult' moments and their connection to the present.
Before an internal conversation can happen, I think anyone raising it would need a lot of allies.... Or at least let me be as honest as you are and say I'd want to make sure I had a lot of allies.
Thanks for your comments, Susan. I think this kind of conversation could be useful but perhaps they've had those talks before we started. I know that it made it a lot easier for people to understand each other at previous workplaces, but I must confess that until this job I have never been in the minority to this extent.
Thanks for your candor in your emailed reflection. I think it takes courage for anyone who wants to engage in dialogue about race in America. First and foremost, though is acknowledgement of the fact that race (albeit a biological fiction) is a social reality. Once that premise is accepted, dialogue/debate can begin. I thought about these ideas in an earlier blog entry when I viewed "Race: The Power of an Illusion." http://sonjafacinghistory.blogspot.com/2008/08/reflecting-on-race-power-of-illusion.html
Post a Comment